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BDSM for Beginners

BDSM for years now has entered the mainstream culture, where movies and books like the “50 Shades” trilogy portray a less taboo and abnormal way of enjoying sex and a more tangible manner of releasing “your sexual deviants”. But when it comes to the vast universe of sexual pleasures, BDSM is by far one of the most misunderstood sex practices.

Often perceived as harmful to our physical and mental health, the practice is usually linked to survivors of abuse or abnormal kinky people, that supposedly use this kind of sex to cure their sexual trauma. But the truth cannot be further than this.

And as a beginner, it is important for you to understand that BDSM is not a taboo or extreme way of enjoying yourself. The portrayal of it on mainstream media or even porn does not do justice to the freedom and pleasure BSDM can offer you.

A lot of things in our lives are controlled by us. We are responsible for most of the actions and consequences we get in our daily life. Work schedule, payments, taxes… they are all set by external forces. We live in a world surrounded by responsibilities waiting to be taken by us.

BDSM offers a world opposite of that. It offers a world where you are free to experiment, play, and most importantly, a world where you have no control and you rely on your partner to lead the way. And if you are more into controlling, the vast world of BDSM can let you call every shot.

While the three basic categories of BDSM; bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism can appear scary at first, they can actually be the safest – and most fun- kind of sex you can have. Why? Because for them to work, they need to rely on a judgement-free atmosphere, where communication about your desires and boundaries are primary.

If you are completely new to BDSM, chances are you are imagining right now a red room filled with leather, ropes and chains. And while yes, such objects are part of the BDSM world, they don’t necessarily define it. So start slow. Communicate with your partner, express your sexual desires, maybe even come up with a theme you fantasize about often and find your own journey and your own methods of enjoying BDSM.

If you want to explore BDSM you need to warm up to it. As with everything new – especially sexually, things can appear intimidating and risky. So educate yourself, figure out what you want, communicate with your partner. You cannot reenact some scene from your favourite movie just because you assume you are prepared for it.

Education is key

There are plenty of things for you to understand as a beginner when entering the exciting world of BDSM. And you start by reading a book, consulting with a sex therapist, and the best way: asking and learning about the experiences of fellow BDSM enthusiasts. To ease you in on all of this, let us define what BDSM stands for.

• Bondage/Discipline – Bondage means to restrain someone physically, while Discipline is a set of rules created by the partakers together with appropriate punishments executed by the dominant partner if the rules get broken.

• Submission/Dominance – An agreement between partners, where the sub (bottom) allows the dom (top) to take charge. This relationship can be used for a sexy night or even 24/7.

• Sadism/Masochism – Sadism refers to the pleasure of causing pain to another, while Masochism is the pleasure of receiving pain from the partner. Some may even prefer both and are usually called sadomasochists.

If you need to learn more, start by learning some new vocabulary. You can google what you cannot understand or better yet, take this BDSM Test that introduces you to the world and terminology, by guiding you on what you might like.

Give voice to your desires

Like in most relationships, in BDSM practices you have to work on your communication with your partner in order for it to work. Sit down and make a list of what you expect from the experience, the do’s and don’ts, your fantasies… And be as specific as you can. If you don’t really know what you want then take your time to sort your feelings out. Read BDSM stories, watch some educational porn, and make sure to discuss everything with your partner.

Of course, expressing yourself is one major part of BDSM, but make sure you are listening to your partner too. Have conversations face-to-face. Use eye contact to understand each other. Only if you are able to negotiate your needs and set limits to what you can do, you can then be both comfortable on your journey to the sexy and free world of BDSM.

Discuss Fantasies

Many BDSM beginners make the mistake of buying some random sex toys and props, try them for the first time and then come up to the conclusion that BDSM isn’t for them. Instead of doing this, express to your partner your fantasies. Why are you into BDSM? What makes you want to try it? What do you really want to try? Start with your imagination and follow through on that by combining your world of pleasure with that of your partner.

Stay away from alcohol and drugs

BDSM has a high risk of ending up for the worst when intoxication is involved. If you decide to try BDSM you should at all times, be able and clear to give or receive consent. And if you mix in substances, this process can fail to deliver, ending up in you doing things you do not agree to.

A good way to give or receive consent is to create codewords. I.e., If you would like the activity to stop you could say “red”, or when you feel good and need more you can let your partner know by saying “green”. Safe words are also pretty handy. Set a word and whenever you feel like it is too much just yell “pineapple” – or whatever word you choose (no judgement).

Shopping for toys or preps

Trying out BDSM can be very exciting, but take the excitement up a notch by introducing toys and other props to your sex practice. At Marlene, you can find an extensive collection of unique BDSM products that surely will spice things up on your journey. Let your imagination run free and decide on what you truly like and believe would do good to your sexy time.

Check out our collection here

So that’s it! If you have listened to our humble advice, and feel ready to start exploring BDSM then we are more than happy for you! Because here at Marlene, we believe that everyone should be able to express their true sexual self, and BDSM is the perfect way to do so!

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